Mumstruction #1 How to make a cup of tea (and drink it)

It's very simple really. Just these simple steps:

1. When baby (finally) goes down for a nap stare at her sweet face for 2 mins. Time is 10:30am. Time for a hot cuppa.

2. Stretch and walk into the kitchen enjoying the bliss of a quiet house. Fill the kettle with water.

3. Turn the kettle on. You think you hear baby stirring.

4. Check on baby. She is stirring but she will self soothe. No cry is starting to build intensity pick baby up rock. Baby is sleeping again. Put baby back in cot. Time 10:35.

5. Back in the kitchen, open cupboard. Stare blankly at tea options. You've had only 3 hours of sleep last night so you reach towards the regular English breakfast. As you reach for it guilt sets in for being a shit mum who breastfeeds her baby with caffeine. Logical brain then takes over and says "It's only like 0.1% that goes to the baby. You need this". Just as your hands touch the jar logical brain comes back saying "Actually you'll need atleast 5 cups to get through the day best to start with decaf.. Imagine how many loo trips you'll have to make otherwise" You shudder and quickly grab the decaf before you change your mind.

6. Drop tea bag in cup. You can hear baby crying again.

7. Go back rock baby, doesn't work. She's crying with her eyes closed. Bounce on exercise ball with baby. Baby calms down sucks fingers to sleep. Pop her back in the cot and she screams like you placed her on a bed of burning coal. Ok rock rock again. Baby is asleep again. This time she let's you put her down. Success! Time 11:15am. What that can't be right! Maybe you should've decided your tea options faster huh.

8. Water is cold switch on kettle again. Pour water in cup. Stirr. Throw away tea bag. Add sugar and milk. You feel so accomplished already!

9. Attempt to leave kitchen with tea hear baby cry again. This time she's wide awake. Carry her to kitchen with you.

10. Attempt to drink tea while carrying baby. Baby is too wriggly and you worry about spilling hot tea on her so you try to put her on the play mat. Baby screams. Ok bouncer? Baby screams. Carry her again. Time is 11:20am

11. Gently put her back in the bouncer. Baby starts to cry but you sing I'm a little tea pot.. With hand actions.. Do not forget the hand actions. Baby is smiling and cooing. Hah you're brilliant aren't you.

12. Tea has gone from boiling hot to warm. You missed the right time. Consider microwaving for a few secs. Baby starts to frown again so you decide against it and quickly drink the tea.

13. You did it!! Yay.. Time is now 11:35pm 
Congrats it took you just an hour to make and drink a cup of tea. Smile because it'll be lunch time soon.

Go on then.. ask me what I do all day One. More. Time.

Mumstructions - a how to guide for new mums

Disclaimer - you will need a basic sense of humour and the ability to detect sarcasm to understand this blog.

I've been missing for almost two years now. I blame it on my increasingly hectic and soul destroying corporate job and this little matter of pregnancy and child birth. Now that my body has adjusted to be able to perform on 3 hours of sleep per 24hrs I'm back.

Now I have the privilege of a new job. Being full time mum to my now 6 month old baby girl. Safe to say harder than anything I've done before but the most rewarding. But I now get the question "What do you do all day?" from friends who mean well.

Mumstructions will give you an idea of what I do all day with my cute and cuddly baby.

Cherishing Neela Paati

An ode to the lady who was my third parent.

Clean, perfectly groomed and the lingering perfume of Afghan snow. That's how I remember my grandma.
My grandparents lived with us so when I think back on the 'parenting' I had its hard to remember something that my grandma was not involved in.

She was the cool grandma who approved of my jeans. Who let me sleep late on weekends. She was so intelligent that if they had girls only schools back in her day I'm sure she'd be a Supreme Court judge or an IAS officer.

She taught me some things that have become a part of me. She taught me to keep a clean kitchen, when i see my kitchen counter dirty, I shudder because I can see her with a disapproving look on her face. She taught me how to crochet and knit, when I finish a baby sweater I can see her smiling proudly. She passed on to me her green thumb, when I see my little pots flower and bloom I can picture her nodding in approval. Most importantly, she taught me that you can be a small person but still stand taller than everyone. She had the will power of 20 people put together.

It's been 4 months since she passed away in her sleep, 90 years of age. Her will power played out till the very end. Her biggest fear was being bed ridden, to have a nurse care for her, to no longer be independent. The very day that they had a nurse come to care for her she decided enough was enough and passed in her sleep. I'd like to think she's happy, pain free watching over us.

I love you Paati and I will miss you forever. But I wont be sad, I will cherish the time we had and celebrate your life every time I'm reminded of you

The last day I spent with Paati

Corporate Choirsters

Why and how I learnt more about team work as part of my office choir than I did from my day job. (And why it pays when companies invest in their people)

I've been interviewing a lot lately. And as a part of this preparation I ask myself all kinds of questions from my CV. My husfriend told me to also look at the 'Extra' section and be ready to talk about it. The 'Extra' bit is the bit we think no one reads or cares about. The bit in the end with your hobbies and extra curricular activities.

I looked there and right on top I'd added a line about being part of the Office Choir and winning runners up in the Office choir of the year contest. What did I learn from here? I wondered. And realised I learnt a lot more about 'team work' than from my regular day job!

A few things that really struck me:

Cliche alert: There is no ME in team.. How many times I've cringed when I heard that. But in the choir it cant be more true! If the audience can hear your voice above the others, it means you are doing something very wrong. Harmony is the keyword here.

Everyone has their place, and unless you give a 100% nothing of value will come out of your effort. A Soprano cannot sing both their and the Alto parts together. Each person has a skill, a strong point and they play on it and trust the others to do their bits. Listen to each other, know exactly where to come in, if not you have one ear shattering mess.

Your ego has no place in a team- or a choir. Especially being an office choir where none of us were professional singers, there were some of us who were trained from a very young age, some of us who could not read music. Some of us were there with an agenda- to win against all odds, some of us were there for the experience, just to have fun. It didn't matter if you were an Alpha personality or a wallflower, you cant shine alone nor can you fade away in the background. You have to swallow your pride and be willing to learn. You have to remind yourself not to be overbearing and demanding of others. There had to be a halfway point, where we all came together, irrespective of our agendas or personalities.

In a group of almost 20 musically inclined people there will be creative differences. Its what we do with these differences that determine whether we sink or swim.

In the end we won, together, as a team and I couldn't be more proud!

Click here for the highlights of our 'teamwork'

The Big Picture

She read softly aloud to herself, for the umpteenth time. As she scanned the screen she spotted one unfamiliar word and the panic started building up again. ‘Oh god I can’t remember what that is now’ she thought  to herself as she quickly opened another window to do a search. She’d spent the last hour or so like this, anxiously flitting about from one page to another, one set of interview questions after another.

She looked at the time on the corner of her screen, 20 mins more. She was still coming to grasps that she was going to be interviewed for a new role. This was going to be a huge step up if she got it. And thus started the days of anxious studying and preparing. She hadn't interviewed in 3 years and she felt rusty.

No amount of studying seemed enough. Her stomach twisted and turned and her mouth went dry as the mins ticked closer to the time. 'Ok enough I'm not going to learn anything new now, I need to calm down' she thought to herself. She was nauseated from the anxiety.

15 mins more. She could see the interview room from where she sat. The manager who was going to interview her sat a few rows away and she could see his head if she stretched. No point in going there too early. She decided to read the news for the next 10 mins and then walk into the interview room.

After all the important headlines, at the bottom a picture of a little boy caught her eye. There was something sickly yet strong about him that drew her attention. 'Terminally ill child declares that he wont continue treatment'. She read about how a 10 year old boy who'd been suffering from cancer for most of his life had decided that he no longer wished to do hospital trips and treatments that were not working. He declared publicly that he wished to spend whatever little time he had doing things he loved. Then came a few lines where the mother expressed her heartbreak but decided that she had to respect his wishes and not let him suffer any more. It was so sad. 10 year old boys making such big decisions, and a mother unselfishly letting her son die rather than suffer some more and then die. He looked so brave in the picture.

Oh my god she thought to herself. She had a wonderful life, and here she was making herself sick with anxiety. So what if she didn't get the job? Nothing! Nothing life altering really. Sometimes in the petty first world problems that we face, we really tend to loose sight of the big picture. She sighed and said a little prayer for the boy.

She then walked into the interview room, calmer than ever. With a confident smile on her face.

For better or for worse..

Three years ago a bright eyed girl smiled a lot as the man she was in love with tied the knot.

The man she'd fallen madly in love with.

For better or for worse they promised each other as they walked round and round a fire.

What she had then was a best friend for whom she had endless love. Endless she thought then. And surely it grew bigger and bigger everyday.

There were days of better and then there were days of worse. So many feelings, some win and some lose.
Of the ones that stayed, a strong feeling endured. Familiarity? She wondered, no it's more than that for sure.

A couple of years came and went pretty quick. Trust? Was that it? Yes trust, an unshakeable trust, she didn't know when it came but it was there now along with the love that always seemed to grow.

But there was more, she couldn't put her finger on it. The couple grew a little older together and wiser by a bit. All around the world they wandered arms knit.

Another year went by, and one day while missing him she realised how big the love had grown. How many storms the trust had borne.

And then suddenly she realised what that other feeling was! It wasn't new, always there but this year, his toil and achievements had made this other feeling win, over all others (maybe sometimes tie for first place with love?)

Respect. That's it! Thats the one, she thought, and smiled, with a lot more reasons to do so, than that day three years ago.

Complainism

There's a new cult that's expanding by the minute. It's one of those cults where people join voluntarily and practice religiously. Its called Complainism. And I'm sick of it.

I don't know if its the fact that I grew up in a developing country or the fact that I don't have too many regrets in life but this way of life doesn't attract me at all.

Here's a list of things that Complainists do that totally kills my buzz

1. Complain about their job/relationship or lack of one/life etc
I'm not talking about the occasional bitching to your friends or your partner about your crazy boss or your horrid day at work. That's ok. We all need to vent sometimes.
I'm talking about people, who sit you down and give you a blow by blow detailed picture of why their job sucks or how they are being victimised in their relationship, or how they just cant seem to find 'the one'. Its those people who's name resonates with depression in your head. Oh, you aren't allowed to ask questions or raise valid points about why they aren't doing anything to get out of their situation.

2. Even worse, the people from point 1 above who add 'But you are lucky..' at the end of the rant.
Its always complain complain and then 'Oh but you are lucky to have this/be here/etc'
Usually I'm too polite to say it to their face but I probably should : 'I am not where I am with what I have because of luck. Its because I worked my backside off to get it. Trust me, If I let luck decide my fate I'd be rotting away in misery like you'.

3. Complaints about society/politics that consume their entire existence.
You cannot have a conversation with these people without them bringing up 'How horrible this world is' or 'How unfairly high cost of living is' or 'How the recession is completely unfair'. I'd like to ask them: Did anyone ever promise you that life was going to be fair? This is our reality, take it or change it.
I'm not sure if these people are really 'affected' by these issues or just like to talk about it to sound philosophical and intelligent.

A very wise person once told me 'Opportunities multiply as they are seized' and this is something I have blind faith in. If you cant be bothered to pro-actively change your situation don't bother wasting my time.

Big question that I ask myself often: Why do I even bother listening to these people if it annoys me so much? Because, these are people I genuinely care about. Who didn't used to be like this. Who used to have hopes and dreams and positive energy. Some people don't wait for an audience. With the magic of Facebook and Twitter they have the power to force in into your attention zone even if you didn't want to be around any negative energy that day.

Am I complaining? Probably, but I'll do it just once and wont let it become my religion.

People days

I'm not a big fan of people days. Mother's day, father's day, Valentine's day, Friendship day, I can just go on all day!

I do not need a day in a year to say "Right, today I'll call my mom and buy her a gift and change my profile picture on Facebook so that the whole world knows that I love my mom". I'm not against or mocking those who do, its just not me. The way I see it, it's almost as if we as a people are so detached and emotionally disconnected from those we care about that we need to mark our calendars and set out 1 day out of 365 to remind our selves of one person that we love. One person a day please we can't be bothered with more than that.

I like to believe that I think of my people, talk to them and meet them(Skype counts) more than once a week at least. So if I have something nice and special to say to my mom, she'll know it.. the whole world wont. 

I'm absolutely not against celebrating people. Rather than made-up days, I prefer celebrating anniversaries, birthdays etc, days that are really special for that person or people who you care about. With anniversaries you get to celebrate two whole people in one day!! 

I'm not sure my 'people' know this but every moment that I talk to them, laugh with them and even fight with them is special. Every day, I thank the universe for putting these people in my life and promise to be a better person to try and deserve having them in it. 

Then comes the matter of commercializing the whole thing. People days might be good for the economy but are the really good for the people? Have you never been a single person on Valentine's day? I remember quite vividly, all the posters and adverts mocking you and making your life miserable for a whole 'month of love'. I'd rather do something special for my husband on our anniversary, something that won't make a whole bunch of single people feel like crap. And what about the kids who didn't get any 'Friendship band' on Friendship day? Do you think they feel special?

Not preaching! Do your own thing, or don't. As long as the 'people' REALLY feel loved and special all year round, nothing else matters.

Dedicated to the person who was the first one to teach me how to love. Happy birthday mom :)

Misogyny- the (not so new) epidemic

The news in the past couple of months has been extremely disturbing for me. Shootouts in schools, gang rapes, more shootouts and what not. One of these the one which I along with millions of other people were closely following was the incident of the gang rape of a 23yrd girl in Delhi.

I am not going into the gory details of the crime, I think google will be a much better source for that. I am an Indian woman and I liked to think that my country has fully embraced the modern era, one where women are treated as equals, for the most part atleast. I am not an idealist, but I had liked to think that if I could achieve what I've done so far any other girl can do the same or even better. This bit of news was a whack on the head that dragged me down, back into the dark reality.

In the aftermath of this heinous crime there were mass protests by hundreds of women and men, this warmed my heart to see not only educated women from the cities but even uneducated women from the rural areas finally brave enough to voice their opinion. What I was not prepared for was what followed. What followed is more disgusting than the crime itself.

It was a series of statements and comments made by prominent political leaders (including the president's son) and religious men who are supposed to be our moral compass. Statements like "The women who are protesting on the streets are dented and painted women..", "The rape was victim was also to blame for the crime, she should have called her attackers brothers and begged for mercy", "Women should be content with minding the affairs of the home and not venture out..". I cannot begin to describe how angry I felt when I read each of those comments (most of them which were retracted after the damage was done).

What I can now see is not just a horrendous crime and its reactions but what is emerging from this is educated people (mostly men) expressing their true chauvinistic and misogynistic opinions. And sadly these opinions are shared by hundreds of men all around the world.

We all want progress and change. The protesters on the streets of Delhi want stricter laws. While that might help a little it wont be any close to solving the problem. We already have many laws that would've helped if only they were implemented. In the case of rapes where 75 to 95% of the incidents are never reported to authorities, bringing in new laws are not going to make an impact. The only thing thats halting our progress is the attitudes of people. Note: not just men, women also.

If the rapists' mothers had instilled in them at a very young age that women are not toys, all people irrespective of women or men have to be respected, and no person has the right to touch another's body without their consent, maybe just maybe they would've thought twice before acting.

If their fathers had treated their mothers and sisters with respect, they would've never had a feeling that they were in some way superior to women and could do what they liked with women.

This state of mind is not going to change overnight. The least we, the people who protest and rage against this injustice can do is this- Look around you at the people in your life.

Women, try to teach your fathers, brothers, husbands, male friends and most importantly your sons that you are not a second class citizen. That a woman can do everything a man can and do it better if she needs to. More importantly, try to believe in it yourself. Do NOT vote for people whom you know have this sickness of misogyny.

Men, you can be the best support for any woman in your life. Do not be insecure of her accomplishments, instead try to be proud of her, be it your daughter, wife or mother. I pity those men who made those statements. They will never know the joy of being proud of the woman in their life. They will never know the satisfaction you get from knowing that your daughter/wife/mother/friend is what she is today because you supported her and helped her along the way.

The reality is that its too late to change the minds of a lot of these sick people. I guess they have to grow old, lead a miserable life spent in deriving cheap thrills from dominating and undermining women, and die out for the general population to be rid of this disease forever.

The Elephant In The Room

All of us at one point or the other have been confronted with this situation: When there is a huge elephant in the room but nobody wants to talk about it. I’m talking about those awkward moments when you either are with a group of people or just one other person, there is something weighing heavily on all your minds, which for some reason you just cannot talk about. This ‘elephant’ wont fade to the back of your head, it will block all your other thought processes and make conversation difficult, because it’s hard to think of anything else to talk about.

The elephant might be something you are extremely curious about, but the person/people in question are just not open to discuss it and you know it. What’s worse, they know that you want to know. Or it might be the other way around. It might be something that pertains to you that you prefer not to discuss but the look on the other person’s face makes you remember it every few minutes. There’s yet another one when together as a group you get caught up in something very embarrassing which nobody wants to talk about after, but nobody can think of anything else to say. I like to call them ‘my elephant’, ‘your elephant’ and ‘our elephant’ respectively.

I don’t know if it’s just me, or in general the older you get, or the more people you meet, you only have more and more elephants in life to deal with! On my part if the elephant is ‘mine’ or ‘ours’, I break the ice and talk about it. I find that it saves me a lot of energy wasted being awkward. But if the elephant is someone else’s there’s nothing I can do about it, is there?

One example I can think of is a conversation with a not-so-close-but-more-than-just-an-acquaintance friend who’d broken up from a very serious relationship. Well I know the person had broken up, heck the noise made the whole world know, but when you talk to them it’s like nothing happened! I’m not saying tell me all the gory details, all I say is- when you once publicly displayed your affection for each other with me among the uncomfortable spectators it’s just kind, to let me know that, ‘Oh by the way we broke up’. That’s all I ask! Please do not leave that big red with yellow polka dotted elephant hanging in the air.

Well, until the whole world shares my opinion on addressing elephants, I just have to find a lot of conversation topics! Here’s one thing that doesn’t work: Running away to a different continent. Nope, the multi-coloured elephants will follow you.

The husfriend

This post is dedicated to my biggest fan and my worst critic. My very own husfriend. Happy anniversary darling :)

The husfriend, as I've recently discovered is this delightful creature. The term was coined many years ago. My aunt had a house maid who dint know English but picked up a few words from people around. She referred to a husband as a 'Husfriend' and I thought that the term was really what it ought to be!

The husfriend even after being married to the woman he loves, one who he no longer needs to impress, he continues to dote on her. There are a lot of husbands who once married begin to take their wife for granted and start showing their 'true' colours. A husfriend's true colour is what it used to be before being married.

He is first and foremost her best friend. He is someone who knows her better than she knows herself. Now, this can be mistaken for flattery but its actually far from it. He truly appreciates every little thing she does for him and gently reprimands her when her crazy self comes to the surface. He is also the only one who can really annoy her because he knows exactly what affects her and what doesn't. But he'll just annoy her purely for fun with no other bad intent. He also is the only person capable of making her smile through the worst of times.

I've heard many women complain that though they also work full time jobs the husband hardly helps around the house. Before I was married people told me, 'He'll probably help out a lot initially, maybe for the first couple of months. But routine will kick in and you'll be doing most of the domestic chores by yourself. Don't be angry, it's how all men are. You cant change something very basic.' With a husfriend however, there is no concept of 'help'. Helping is one is doing most of the work and the other makes things a little easier. Its not 'help' when both are equal partners in everything. Its exactly like sharing your space with your best friend.

The term 'through sickness and in health' takes on a painful reality once the glitz of being newly married wears off. A husfriend will drop everything that matters a lot to him and dedicate every minute to the wife when she's sick or feels low, and never once complain.

These are but a few traits, but I think its enough to describe the husfriend in brief. I've seen that a husfriend is most agreeable when the favours are returned. I can only hope that I've been half as good a 'wifriend'.

Goodbye 2011 hello quarter life crisis

This one's been long overdue.

Another year came and went in the blink of an eye. They say time moves faster when you're having fun and it couldn't be more true for me!

Highly chaotic as it was there's just one fair way to describe it, a bunch of chaotic lines

Marriage

New family

Missing both old and new families

Part time Singapore tour guide

Loads of new friends

But missing the old

Partyyyyyy

Loads n loads of love

Job hunt

More part time Singapore tour guide

New job

New stresses

Indian wins the cricket world cup!

Eating a lot of husband's cooking

Travel travel travel

Quarter life crisis trailer

Happy happy happy inspite of being stressed

Sharing a hospital with Rajini Kanth :)

Partyyyy

Lots more of love

Onset of chronic quarter life crisis

More good times than bad. Quite easily the best year of my life.

Home is where the mess is

Special thanks to my dear friend Reynah for coming up with the golden words which shortened my whole post into one sentence.


Home.. Now where is that exactly? Where your parents live? Where you spent all your childhood? The place you live in right now? For most people the answer is simple and even the question might seem a little silly. But for someone like me its a valid question with mixed answers.

I've been at my new married life for 9 months now. A couple of weeks back I returned to India for the first time after getting here. Before leaving both me and my husband were looking forward to meeting family and friends and all the great food. We thought we were going 'home'.

The two weeks in India went by quickly. It was great for both of us to be with our family, get all the VIP attention. Not to forget the great food and the amazing Deepavali celebrations! It felt brilliant to sleep in my old room and eat at my mom's dining table and all that. When it was time to go back we both were dreading the journey back. The thought of the mess we left before we left made me want to cry. The thought of going back to work practically made me want to throw up. But leave we had to..

We came back and opened the door to the colossal mess that was our house. We went ahead just let everything be and dropped onto the couch. I felt a strange familiarity, the feeling of everything you need being exactly where its supposed to be ( strewn on the floor is a valid place). I thought I was crazy, but then I saw my husband smiling too. "We're home" I said.

The last two weeks felt like a well deserved vacation, and the place we once called home was more like a luxury resort now. Things had changed even for my husband, who always considered "home" to be the place in India where the parents live. Sure we were blue and depressed but it was like the end of any holiday, it wasn't "home"sickness anymore. Somewhere along the line, the little matchbox house with 2 messy people living in it had changed from being the "house we live in" to "home". Family was now me and him.

I don't know if home is where the heart is, but its definitely where the beloved mess is :)

Letters to my younger self

Wouldn't you love it if you could send a message back in time and warn your younger self about the things to come. Think about it like this, we're all worried about the uncertain future, wouldn't you love it if you could take a peek just to know if everything turns out ok?

If I could pass messages back to my younger self it would go something like this:

Note to my 10 yr old self:
Don't quit classical music as much as you hate it. It's gonna come in handy when you discover your country music singing abilities. Don't worry about your buck teeth and skinny frame. Your orthodontist is gonna do a great job and loads of women will envy you for eating what you want and still not getting fat. I know your younger brother seems like a baby right now, be patient he'll grow up soon and become your best friend one day.

Note to my 15 year old self:
Don't worry about those bullies, they might tell you now that you're a loser. Wait a few years you'll end up doing way better than any of them in life. Make a little more time to appreciate your parents and your mom's food especially. You're gonna miss the dishes you hate right now. By the way your still really skinny 10 years from now so don't loose sleep, you'll get used to it soon. Stop trying to grow up too soon and enjoy the last remaining moments of childhood.

Note to my 21 year old self:
Life is about to get a lot more real, brace yourself. If you think you have problems now think again. But the good news is you're gonna sail through all the really tough times and come out just right. I know it seems like everyone around you is in love except you, and you're really worried you'll never find someone. Well, just take it easy and enjoy the single life with your friends, a sweet handsome dude is headed your way, who'll be worth every moment of crap you have ever put up with. Oh and right now, you might think getting into the IT industry and becoming a software developer is your true calling in life. There will be a quarter life crisis when you realize that though you're pretty good at it, its not really your "thing". Stop worrying about losing touch with friends after college, those who matter will stay connected even from the other end of the planet.

I'm pretty sure my future self will have tons to say, but just as I have no hope of transmitting these notes to the past, there's no way of knowing whats up ahead. So much for wishful thinking. The only thing I do know is that things will fall into place no matter how screwed up they seem right now.

Friends of friends

When friendship day swung around this year, I took a while to think of all my friends, old and new. I tried to remember how I became friends with each person I could think of...

The past year has been one hell of a friend making year for me. I feel very lucky to be in a position in life where I meet new people almost everyday. And Ive just realized that almost all the people Ive gotten pretty close to, either for years now or just weeks, they almost all came into my life as a friend of a friend.

Friendship and love are the only two relationships in the world which we are in by choice. We don't get to choose our family but we do get to choose whom we are friends with. While we do have the option of being extremely picky about whom we befriend, Ive come to see that the best friendships are born out of going out of your way to be nice to someone.

Thinking back, I can think of a lot of instances which went like this. I'm stuck with a friend of a friend, someone I barely know. I have the option of really trying to get to know the person or just being civil for the short time we are stuck together. Ive always chosen the first option and today I'm sooo glad I did, because these people are among of my closest friends.

I see a lot of people who don't mingle with people they think is below their "league". People who go to a party only for the food and booze and not the company, and I feel sorry for them.

Its easy to just stay in your comfort zone, stereotype people you barely know and decide that you've got enough friends and you dont really need another one. Its harder to make genuine conversation with a friend of a friend, harder to care about what they are saying, but who knows if this person is someone you'l still be talking to 50 years from now? Heck I wouldn't have met my husband if I had decided that I have enough friends and don't need another person to talk to.

Happy friendship day, to all my dear friends who've touched my life and made me smile, and friends of friends who are going to make smile a little more.

Ping?

Yes I am back after a hiatus. After a period of writer's block, new job stresses, and the lack of time to breathe, I am back.

My own struggle with my new job and the general situation of a lot of people I know just got me thinking? Why do almost all of us make a living out of something we cant stand doing?

I loved my new job in the beginning. I actually spent a while where there was absolutely no such thing as Monday blues. But when the stress notched up a lot and the whole reality of the corporate politics sunk in, Mondays make me physically nauseated.

And as it goes, we all start off thinking we are doing something we are going to love. But what happens when you realize its not exactly what you wanted? Well what almost everyone I know does is just swallow the frustration and get on with it. Because at the end of the day its what gets the food on the dinner table.

Its very idealistic to say just quit and find something you are passionate about. Its true though not practical. What I found is a middle path. Do what you are hating ONLY if you can justify the suffering for something worthwhile. And often we don't have to look too far. For most people its found at home (well wherever the heart is).

I saw a guy on TV who cleans public toilets and he said, the days he gets completely disgusted he thinks about his precious little daughter and how he might afford to actually send her to college one day, and that gets him going again.

My inspiration is sitting on the couch as I type. The thought of building a life together (as opposed to him doing all the crap and me just sitting on my backside) just instantly makes me feel like its all worth it. Maybe one day when opportunity knocks and I can actually get a big break (or make a break for myself) I'll definitely do something I truly love.

To all the folks who never have Monday blues, I salute thee. For the rest of us - keep the IM of life open, opportunity pings very rarely but it just might!

The Melting Pot

One month ago, I landed in a place which is a melting pot in the true sense. I arrived at Singapore, a place of confluence of many cultures, races and variety of people.

I love observing people. In this month of wandering the streets and exploring the place I’ve had a chance to observe and interact with people who on the outside seemed really different from me, with very different backgrounds.
When you put so many different people together in one little place, you’ll find one common trait: The ability to adapt. It starts with language and goes onto a lot of different things like body language and mannerisms.

One good example is a little Indian boy I sat next to on a bus one day. He was probably around 7 or 8 years old. He was on the phone with a parent. Judging by the accent of his Tamil, I would say he was not a native Indian but the child of Indian expats who’s been here for most of his life. He was enthusiastically telling his parent which bus route is ideal for the parent. I was amazed at his independence and knowledge of the geography of the place, which is very uncommon back home. He spoke English occasionally with a proper Indian accent. He abruptly hung up on his parent saying he was getting another call. The other call was probably a friend his own age. I was taken aback when he switched to rapid Mandarin with this caller. And also he spoke intermittently in English but this time with a pronounced Chinese accent!

This is just one of the many people I’ve observed. Another thing that struck me is that no matter how different we seem on the outside, we are pretty much the same on the inside.

We all have the same problems with work politics, the same evil boss scenario, bad bonuses etc. You will find the same thoughtful wife who thinks ahead and carries an extra sweater for her husband. You will find the same guy who cooks for his partner when she’s stressed out. You will find the same parent handling difficult kids. And most common of them all, you will always find people looking for love.

But the most important people-lesson I’ve learnt is this: No matter where in the world you are, no matter how mixed the group is ethnically or otherwise, guys who never knew each other will instantly bond over alcohol, girls who meet for the 1st time will become close friends over a shopping spree.

Life on the other side of the web cam

One fateful day last month my life changed forever. Now nothing will ever be the same again. Yipppppeeeee :D

As the wise people say, the only permanent thing is life is change. For most people change comes in one at a time. But the path I chose involved every single thing in my life changing at the exact same time. So with a brave heart, exactly a month ago, I took the plunge called marriage. Its been the best month of my life so far. Life's suddenly one big adventure.

Soon after the event the world moves in a haze of relatives and gifts. Then came the honeymoon in heaven, all through which I kept asking my new husband if it was all real or just a fast paced dream.

After a hurried goodbye to my parents, friends and everything I had called home, I headed off to be part of a new family. It was a wonderful week of meeting my new family and spending quality time with them. More hurried goodbyes and numerous attempts at stuffing my whole life into 2 suitcases later, we arrived at the country that was going to be my new home.

I fell in love with our house the minute I set foot in it. A few hours and lots of shopping and hard work later that house became our home. My new little nest I share with my best friend who was now also my husband.

We spent another wonderful week shopping, sight seeing and meeting a lot of friends. And then it was time for my man to go back to work, and finally some semblance of a routine sunk in. I'm making the best of my time off by going out and exploring this new country with my new friends.

New husband, new family, new no-job situation, new country, new faces, new friends, new home all at once might seem really overwhelming to the outside observer. But for me its just been a wonderful experience. And there's just one reason for it. I owe it to my husband, and all his friends and family who've so far been amazing people. Every single person has really charming and made me feel very welcome wherever I went. Its the people you meet that make or break this sort of a situation and I'm lucky to have these folks around.

Now I see my family and friends from back home from the other side of the webcam. Thank heavens for modern technology. I now have the best of both worlds, and life's going to keep changing. I know I'll do just great, because I have the best people both old and new whom I can call family and friends.

The rollercoaster I call 2010

It's been one heck of a long year for sure. But one hell of a ride too. I've learnt some significant life lessons though, which I've been meaning to jot down here. But its really hard to focus when your whole mind is forever captivated by just one delightful being. But inspiration strikes and here it goes.

Its true what they say about happiness being just around the corner. Yes I was indeed running around in circles, until one day the universe decided to cut me some slack an throw me a corner.

The world is filled with strange crazy people. But there's something to learn from everyone. However, just think twice before inviting the crazy ones to your wedding cause you cant un-invite them.

If something didn't work out (job, deal, relationship, whatever) its only because you deserve something much better.

You can learn a lot even from other people's mistakes. For example I learnt that drinking and 'facebooking' is as dangerous as drinking and driving.

Luck definitely favors only those who are prepared, and are ready to work their backsides off for what they want. Wallowing in self pity does not get you anywhere.

Farmville and Lexulous addictions are very serious addictions and im proud to declare that Im now over 8 months sober!

Having a positive attitude is not one of the ways to be truly happy. Its the ONLY way. I made no mistakes in 2010. I only discovered a zillion ways how things can go wrong.

Seperation anxiety

A very wise person recently told me that the only permanent thing in life is change. We've heard this told and instilled in us right from childhood. Why is it that in spite of this, its still hard to accept when it actually happens?

I recently quit work. Why? because I have to get married to the love of my life and go live with him in a faraway land. Logically it was a good time for a change for me work wise and a big exciting step forward in life. But when it actually came to the last day at work I had to summon up every ounce of strength to keep from crying. Especially when everyone were saying such nice things about me! I really think people shouldn't wait for farewells to say nice things about each other.

Apart from work itself, there are other things I'm sure I'll never have again, no matter how good my next job is.

My girls. I love them sooo much and sometimes the only reason I had, to get out of bed and live to face the day, was the hope of looking forward to coffee and lunch with them. You just know it when you make friends who'll be with you forever. And its painful knowing you wont see them everyday anymore.

My whole team. I doubt I'll ever find another crazier and fun bunch than the ones I worked with. I know I'll have many more teams to work with in the future but I doubt they'll really work their way into my heart like this one.

Monday blues. I'll probably have em again soon. But I'll miss the cold and cloudy Bangalore-Monday-mornings where all I want to do is just crawl deeper into my blanket and not come out.

The grandpa in the tea shop , the cleaner lady who stares at me with unblinking eyes in the ladies' room, the super rude bus driver who thinks the bus is a Formula1 car, the ever smiling sweet corn vending machine fellow, the yummy samosa chaat in D2 cafeteria, my work ID badge, my super cool Amex corporate card and last but not the least, my 50% corporate discount at a popular spa. You all have touched my life and will be sorely missed!!