Stalker talk

Here's a first, my first co-authored article!
Disclaimer: This article is purely non fictional and any resemblence to real life is totally intentional. The names of some people have been changed to protect their identity (though the stalkers I'm sure will recognize themselves :P). Do NOT miss the video in the end.

Well stalkers. Who are they? Usually its celebrities who have crazy people following them around and observing their every move. But this isn't completely true. Chances are if your are an above average looking girl (or guy for that matter) , you'll have your encounter with this particular species of people whom we shall hence forth call stalkers.

Stalkers can be classified into 2 broad categories: 1. The friend-turned-creep stalker 2. The stranger-who knows-you-better-than-your-mom stalker. Lets just call them #1 and #2 for now shall we.

Well I will be focusing on type #1 since I'm well uh.. a little over qualified in this area of expertise. For starters who is this person?

Well lets say Rachel has a close friend Shirley. Now Shirley starts dating a guy. After say a couple of dates Rachel and other friends of Shirley meet this guy umm Nate. Now, they all chat have a nice time discussing their common tastes in music etc etc. A few days later Shirley dumps Nate because they just aren't getting along. But Nate still texts Rachel once a while. Initially Rachel is nice to Nate just out of pure courtesy. Soon there's a day Nate tells her that he finds her a lot more attractive than Shirley. Now Rachel freaks out out and starts completely ignoring Nate.
So what does Nate do?
1. He texts and texts and is pretty much having complete one way conversations with Rachel's phone.
2. Then he starts calling her non stop. If she picks up and talks the madness dies down for a while. If she ignores his calls he just keeps at it with renewed vigor.
3. He stalks her on Facebook, Orkut and every other social networking site. he visits the profiles of people (especially guys) whom she seems to be close to.

You get the picture. Surprising as it may sound its not hard handling a Nate. Now here's how you go about it.

1. Tell Nate that you have a boyfriend whom you love a lot (Make up an imaginary boyfriend if you have to!!)

2. Tell Nate that you think hes a really nice guy and deserves a girl who can love him.. yeah you might wanna practice mush movie dialogues first. And please add that your sure he's too nice a guy to get in the way of your true love.

3. Then slowly and steadily cut him out. Do not do it in a single shot. Guys like Nate take that as a form of encouragement.

Now for my next stalker ehh Paul.. I have amalgamated the traits of a few different guys since they are all very similar.

Here's the scenario: Annie is a friendly girl. She's sometimes a little too nice to people. Then there's Paul. Paul is a good friend of Annie's brother( or could be her class mate or even her boss!!). Basically Annie cannot just cut Paul out her life due to certain circumstances. Things with Paul start off fine. They talk, they say hi when they run into each other they IM a lot (ok make that he IMs her a lot). So when did things start getting ugly?
There are quite a few ways this can go bad. Say they dated for a while and Annie decides he's just sooo not the one. The more likely scene is that Paul starts hitting on her. And she just doesn't see him 'that' way. So she starts avoiding him as much as possible.

So does Paul take the hint and let it go? NO!

1. Like Nate he keeps track of her every potential date, and every other aspect of her social life through some networking site.
2. He texts her, IMs all on the pretext of catching up or some genuine discussion about home work or work.
3. He reads every line and word of her every blog post (if she has one).
4. Similarities with Nate end right there. While Nate wasn't really dangerous this guy takes it a notch higher. He actually confronts Annie every chance he gets about her(maybe imaginary) boyfriend. And he's never happy with just his name. He wants to know every little thing about him. And then he logs onto some networking site and stalks all the guys who fit this description.
5. If say Annie was really seeing someone or she just happened to give away the name of a guy friend, pretty soon Paul tracks him down and can even have him physically followed.
6. Now, lets say Paul wasn't THAT bad. He'd still keep trying to convince Annie to dump this other guy.

So what does poor Annie do?? She cant just cut him out like how Rachel cut Nate out.

1. For starters she shouldn't give him too many details of anything she does.
2. Now the good thing about Facebook, is that you can cut out portions of your profile or pictures from some people and they wont even know they've been cut out! (This can have ugly consequences if the person see's a big lock symbol where your pics are supposed to be like in some other networking sites.)
3. Find something disgusting to do in the presence (online or live) of Paul to totally turn him off.
4. Here's something important. If Annie has to cook up a boyfriend, say to protect the identity of her real one or just that she doesn't have one) she has to keep her story straight from day one. Paul will be constantly looking for chinks in the armour.
5. Pray and hope that he'll eventually loose interest.

Well this is just one broad category. There's a second category #2. This ones different because he's a complete stranger! Atleast with #1 you knew something about their personality to know whats dangerous and whats not. With #2 you can never tell! And more often than not #2 will often have access to the girl's (or guy's) college, work place etc. But more importantly what sets #2 apart from one is the way he'll/she'll know every intimate detail about their victim. For more on how to identify #2 and how to get rid of a #2 visit http://soumya-hintofme.blogspot.com/2009/04/stalker-scare.html

On a more humorous note check this out... my dedication to all the guys who took the pains to stalk me!

My Will

I've decided to write my will. Why? well...It started as a regular day at office. A friend of mine forwarded this mail to a bunch of us, and we started pulling her leg over *ahem* certain contents of the mail, and pretty soon it became a group chain email. There was a point where I made some really wicked comments. I casually remarked to my other friend with whom I was chatting that this girl was definitely going to kill me when she read it. Well now that lead me to think 'damn what will I do with all my earthly possessions if she did kill me'!! :D Which was when I decided I'm going to write a will. Well here it goes!

TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN

The following is how all my earthly possessions are to be divided in case Im not around to donate them.

1. All my money goes to my parents and my bro. Funny since I've never given my bro pocket money :D Well ok on special request do wire a small chunk (15% specifically) to my "Uncle Maams" with this note "Pozhachiko!" ;)

2. Coming to the more important stuff.. My precious and much coveted accessory collection is to be finally placed on exhibition and then equally divided among my girl-friends, only the ones who can recite the names and personality traits of my multiple personalities. *

3. My precious book collection must be auctioned and sold to the highest bidder. All proceeds are to be donated to the Give-Mr Mchink - a - makeover foundation.

4. All the cool stuff on my comp can be accessed only by the half a dozen people who know my passwords.

5. I grant custody of my two fishes Brucer and Valerie to my almost- sister/neighbor.

Coming to last messages and wishes:


1. And to Mchink.. Sorry dude what I feel for you can only be described as lust not love.

2. To my bestest friends.. yeah I know that you know who you are.. yes this includes you mousey.. Party hard!!! See you soon downstairs :D

3. To my 4th grade teacher... yeah lady Im coming back to haunt you. A promise is a promise!

4. And since in all probability it will be Preethi Sathyanarayana who killls me please allow her one last visit from her "American" father figure :D im sure he's verrrrrrrrrry proud of her ;)

*Conditions apply: In case any of the afore mentioned friends were accomplice to murder they wont be recieving any share in my accessory collection.

Lost and found and lost again

Yet another poetry attempt!! (yeah i've lost my mind.. literally)

Peace reigned until then
then, when you came along
and at that moment it escaped me
like a caged bird set free.
Looking for that which I lost,
I swam through the sea
the green ocean of my misery.
I searched the multitude of minds
for the one that's only mine.
In this blue vortex of altered reality
a hundred miles long
there it was nestled in a song.

I embraced my warm mind
glad to be whole again
and aloud to you I cried
"You may have tried,
but save your glee
for I have found me,
I will not surrender to thee"
A flash of blinding purple lights,
dazed I saw you laugh
"This time its not your mind I seek
for now I know that its not weak".
A spark of realization in my soul
flared at the speed of thought
and with a clouded sense of de ja vu
I watched as your words came true.
Quick as a blot of light
before I could put up a fight,
it escaped me ere I had a chance
without even a backward glance.
Exhausted now, I set out to start
a new quest for my stolen heart.

Liberated :)

Liberation- 1 page at a time

I'd been wanting to read the book 'He's just not that into you' ever since I saw it featured on the Oprah show 2 years back. Well as it was I never found a single copy in any of the bookstores. When I heard the movie was coming out, I desperately searched everywhere.. and finally ordered it online.
My intention was to read it before the movie came out.. As luck had it, it got delivered exactly the day after I watched the movie. Well twist of fate aside, I had felt a sense of liberation when I watched the movie. But after reading the book OMG!!!

Liberation begins with the introduction literally.. Its something every girl must read! I would even recommend it to the guys.

It's basically how we, as women, fail to read the lines guys give us.. instead we read in between under over and everywhere but the lines. If a guy you are interested in isn't showing the same level of enthusiasm, the answer is so simple that it doesn't immediately does not appeal to our very sophisticated brains. "He's just not that into you". Thats it!! Sure the verdict is harsh, go cry about it if you have to. But the truth will set you free. As the authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo put it "Dont waste the pretty". Move on and let that guy who's meant to write poetry about you find you.

Well nothing I write here will do any justice to the book, so Il just leave that part for you to discover. But here's a few things that personally set me free:

1. When im capable of loving with all my heart and soul, I sure as hell deserve nothing less.

2. Yes its true. Men apparently DO know how to use the phone. And yeah they also are smart enough to find your number even if you dont give it to them.

3. To that guy who's been giving me mixed signals: Screw your signals. I'm only going to take notice when you tell me in words that cannot be misinterpretted as anything else, that you indeed cannot stop thinking about me.

4. To some of my women friends: If companionship, hugs and something warm to have around are all you are willing to settle for.. buy a dog. Dont end up with a jerk instead. Pets (and sometimes even stuffed animals or that nice huggable pillow :P ), are God's way of telling you not to lower the bar. Oh and there's the bonus of loyaty thrown in for free!! (It's never too late to dump the jerk ).

5. The eternal optimist that I am... I belive.. I belive that one day Il thank myself for cutting out the crazy psycho side of me. Because the guy who's arms I'd be in, wouldnt let me worry about "us". Ever.

6. If its meant to be, It'l find a way to happen.. untill then.. Im free :)

Thats about it. I've set myself free and declared it here for the world to see.

P.S: Here's a sneak peek for you to find out for yourself the path to liberation:
http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/oprahshow/oprahshow1_ss_20040922
http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/con_20040922_datingtips
http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/oprahshow/oprahshow1_ss_20050427

The Wonders Of The Underdog

Hmmmm... In case your thinking this another review of the Slumdog Millionaire your wrong. This is an account of how the movie appealed to me on more than a superficial level.

Spoiler warning:In case you haven't watched it already I wouldn't recommend reading further.


Well to begin with, the movie has done amazingly well at the various award ceremonies. It has been nominated under 10 categories for the Oscars including Best Motion Picture; which brings us to the question: Does it truly deserve all the attention?

From an Indian point of view, it seems like a brutal yet realistic public washing of India's dirtiest laundry (well literally if you've watched the Dhobhi Ghat scenes). Its a slap in the face to us priviledged Indians. But I discovered a much deeper meaning in it.

Right at the begining of the movie you'll see the kids playing in the slums among all the rubbish and filth. Disgusting? Look deeper. Do you see the smiles on their faces? They seem to be oblivious to the cruel world around them. Can you confidently say you've been that happy and carefree any time in the near past? I for one envied those kids. They dont even know the dreadfull word that plagues most of us in the developed world today -"Recession".

Next up, when the little protagonist of our movie Jamal is in the "Orphanage" waiting for his turn to show off his singing talents, can you see the hope and optimisim he has? He's dreams of living in the famous Harbour road. Now think, just because this kid lives a hopeless life in a slum does that mean he doesnt have hopes? I'd say his dreams are bigger than mine ever was as a kid. Need inspiration? Look no further.

When he's all grown up, you'll notice he suddenly has an accent. To the superficial observer that might seem like a blooper. Look closer. He's been working as a tea server in a call centre for a few years atleast. Now where else in the world but in one of India's famous call centres, can you find the high probability that a poor slum boy will not only learn english, but learn it with an accent! He also gains loads of information on the way by just "overhearing" the training sessions there. Now thats actually very realistic in my opinion.

Towards the end, the movie illustrates a very stark reality in his brother Saleem's death. "You may be submerged in a bath filled with money, but you sure as hell wont be taking any of it with you on the one way flight out".

These are but a few of the many things that struck me while watching it. Im not saying you'll like the movie but if there's one thing thats sure, you'll stop cribbing about your own life.. atleast for a day! Oh and yeah, you'll also think twice before you give a coin to a beggar child.

Life lessons learnt this year

Its been yet another eventfull trip around the sun. Some of the life lessons I've learnt this year:
1. Having a career AND a life is possible.
2. You know you have something amazing going on, when a friend manages to make you the happiest person alive.. from the other side of the globe.
3. Blood is often thicker than water...however there are exceptions.
4. You are not a doormat, enlightening people about this gains respect ;)
5. People can be a lot deeper than at first glance.. and possibly a lot shallower.
6. Last but not the least, NEVER underestimate the importance of a bottle opener. :D

The Unsung Heroes

The recent terror event in Mumbai left not only India shocked.. For Indians like me it was 3 days of sheer frustration and helplessness. I mean all I could do was sit glued to the TV in my living room and watch as people fell to bullets or got gutted in the fires. And as the world watched there emerged from this tragedy, Heroes. Martyrs who gave up their lives to keep the rest of us safe.. True while these men who made the ultimate sacrifice deserved every bit of appreciation, my mind wandered to the little pieces of news that had caught my eye during the round the clock telecasts. In my opinion very important news but that never seemed to make the highlight. Stories of the other kind of heroes, the ones who lived but had nobody to tell their stories.
Why do we sensationalize the martyrs while ignoring the living Heroes who deserve so much more than they've been given credit for.

Take for example the case of the senior police inspector who set a trap and caught the now infamous Ajmal Amir Kasab. This deadly criminal Kasab has by far been the most usefull link to the investigartors. He's been confessing very crucial information exposing the roots of the LeT (Lashkar e Toiba- the Millitant organization responsible for the attacks). Well now according to me whoever managed to catch this heavily armed terrorist alive, with nothing but a poor quality bullet proof vests and a near antique service rifle as ammunition, deserves the highest accolade there is to give. Put this man or men in the media spotlight, if only to show to the world at large - The brave WILL be rewarded. But that din't really seem to happen. The man was forgotten after a brief article in the news and the papers.

Antoher case that caught my eye was that of the South African commandos. They were a group of commandos who were on holiday. They rose to the occasion and were solely responsible for saving the lives of nearly 150 people at the Taj Mahal Hotel. These men went beyond the call of duty and did what few in their place would have done. Dont these brave men deserve more than a tiny article in the corner of the newspaper and a couple of minutes of TV coverage?

Then there was the case of a railway announcer. He risked his life announcing on the microphone at the railways station about the activities of the terrorists and guiding the passengers away from the carnage. He almost paid with his life when he narrowly missed a bullet directed towards him.

These are just few which caught my eye. There were many many more, stories of brave hotel staff, and of course the commandos who finally outdid the terrorists. Where are the rewards for these people? Where is the aprreciation they deserve that will encourage more people to be brave the next time a crisis presents itself?
I think its important that we honour the memories of our martyrs, but I think its a little more important to pay a bigger tribute to our unsung heroes.