Monday, August 1, 2016

Mumstruction #1 How to make a cup of tea (and drink it)

It's very simple really. Just these simple steps:

1. When baby (finally) goes down for a nap stare at her sweet face for 2 mins. Time is 10:30am. Time for a hot cuppa.

2. Stretch and walk into the kitchen enjoying the bliss of a quiet house. Fill the kettle with water.

3. Turn the kettle on. You think you hear baby stirring.

4. Check on baby. She is stirring but she will self soothe. No cry is starting to build intensity pick baby up rock. Baby is sleeping again. Put baby back in cot. Time 10:35.

5. Back in the kitchen, open cupboard. Stare blankly at tea options. You've had only 3 hours of sleep last night so you reach towards the regular English breakfast. As you reach for it guilt sets in for being a shit mum who breastfeeds her baby with caffeine. Logical brain then takes over and says "It's only like 0.1% that goes to the baby. You need this". Just as your hands touch the jar logical brain comes back saying "Actually you'll need atleast 5 cups to get through the day best to start with decaf.. Imagine how many loo trips you'll have to make otherwise" You shudder and quickly grab the decaf before you change your mind.

6. Drop tea bag in cup. You can hear baby crying again.

7. Go back rock baby, doesn't work. She's crying with her eyes closed. Bounce on exercise ball with baby. Baby calms down sucks fingers to sleep. Pop her back in the cot and she screams like you placed her on a bed of burning coal. Ok rock rock again. Baby is asleep again. This time she let's you put her down. Success! Time 11:15am. What that can't be right! Maybe you should've decided your tea options faster huh.

8. Water is cold switch on kettle again. Pour water in cup. Stirr. Throw away tea bag. Add sugar and milk. You feel so accomplished already!

9. Attempt to leave kitchen with tea hear baby cry again. This time she's wide awake. Carry her to kitchen with you.

10. Attempt to drink tea while carrying baby. Baby is too wriggly and you worry about spilling hot tea on her so you try to put her on the play mat. Baby screams. Ok bouncer? Baby screams. Carry her again. Time is 11:20am

11. Gently put her back in the bouncer. Baby starts to cry but you sing I'm a little tea pot.. With hand actions.. Do not forget the hand actions. Baby is smiling and cooing. Hah you're brilliant aren't you.

12. Tea has gone from boiling hot to warm. You missed the right time. Consider microwaving for a few secs. Baby starts to frown again so you decide against it and quickly drink the tea.

13. You did it!! Yay.. Time is now 11:35pm 
Congrats it took you just an hour to make and drink a cup of tea. Smile because it'll be lunch time soon.

Go on then.. ask me what I do all day One. More. Time.

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