Seperation anxiety

A very wise person recently told me that the only permanent thing in life is change. We've heard this told and instilled in us right from childhood. Why is it that in spite of this, its still hard to accept when it actually happens?

I recently quit work. Why? because I have to get married to the love of my life and go live with him in a faraway land. Logically it was a good time for a change for me work wise and a big exciting step forward in life. But when it actually came to the last day at work I had to summon up every ounce of strength to keep from crying. Especially when everyone were saying such nice things about me! I really think people shouldn't wait for farewells to say nice things about each other.

Apart from work itself, there are other things I'm sure I'll never have again, no matter how good my next job is.

My girls. I love them sooo much and sometimes the only reason I had, to get out of bed and live to face the day, was the hope of looking forward to coffee and lunch with them. You just know it when you make friends who'll be with you forever. And its painful knowing you wont see them everyday anymore.

My whole team. I doubt I'll ever find another crazier and fun bunch than the ones I worked with. I know I'll have many more teams to work with in the future but I doubt they'll really work their way into my heart like this one.

Monday blues. I'll probably have em again soon. But I'll miss the cold and cloudy Bangalore-Monday-mornings where all I want to do is just crawl deeper into my blanket and not come out.

The grandpa in the tea shop , the cleaner lady who stares at me with unblinking eyes in the ladies' room, the super rude bus driver who thinks the bus is a Formula1 car, the ever smiling sweet corn vending machine fellow, the yummy samosa chaat in D2 cafeteria, my work ID badge, my super cool Amex corporate card and last but not the least, my 50% corporate discount at a popular spa. You all have touched my life and will be sorely missed!!

New Age Narcissism

Almost anybody can be a celebrity now. And its getting easier to become one. I'll tell you how. Log into Facebook/Twitter. Put up a really controversial status message and WHAM!! You're a celebrity!

Its been a while since I logged on to my favorite social networking website or chat client and haven't come across at least one status message, post, picture or video link that doesn't make me want to instantly disown that person as my friend. People have discovered a whole new forum for seeking the attention that they crave.

Gone are the days when you updated your status with something witty or humorous, or just something interesting you did or came across. These days all I see is a bunch of people showing off blatantly about their latest most expensive purchase, their romantic conquests, and things that are way too personal, just so they can get a bunch of comments that runs into the hundreds.

These are my top few 'Annoy' material.

1. The friend who's so full of love she's not afraid to display it.
A picture of her exhibiting public display of affection to her boyfriend, which is not appropriate to be viewed by people under 18 years of age, is definitely NOT an appropriate display picture for a profile/instant messenger. She and I are no longer friends on Facebook.

2. The friend who blatantly lies to garner publicity.
Jane: "Just had a near death experience in the bus on my way back from work :( " -via Mobile net
This is followed by at least 50+ comments ranging from shock to sympathy.
Why am I annoyed? I was on the same damned bus!! A sudden brake is NOT a near death experience!!!

3. The mystery relationship status
"Annie is in a relationship"
Comments go like this
"Oh wow seriously? Who who?" ( Picture different forms of this line in at least 30 different comments)
Annie replies "He he he its a secret ;)"
If it was so secret why put it up??

4. The ever breaking up friends/couples.
This can get annoying if the people fighting are both on your friend list.

John and Jane are in a relationship

The next day
John is no longer in a relationship.
Jane is no longer in a relationship.

The day after
John and Jane are now friends. John found Jane using friend finder.
John and Jane are in a relationship.

Few hours later
John is no longer in a relationship.
Jane is no longer in a relationship.

John: Some bit**** are just out there to ruin your life
Jane: Men are scum!!!

At this point I break. I do not want to witness their on-the-rocks relationship every time I log in. John and Jane have been discreetly un-friend-ed.

5. The guy who tells the world every minute of his boring existence

Just woke up all kicked to watch the new movie Endhiran!! 9.00 am
On my way to the multiplex. Soooo excited to watch Endhiran. 10.00 am
Just got my tickets to watch Endhiran!! 10.20 am
Sitting in Inox waiting for Endhiran to start. 10.45 am
Half an hour into the movie!! Its amazing so far!!. 11.30 am
Damn its the interval!! Im loving Endhiran. 12.40pm
Ooooh final fight scene of Endhiran. 1.40pm
Just finished watching Endhiran!! it was amazing!! 2.00pm

Yeah he's no longer my friend either. Don't judge me I'm sure he'll post a spoiler for the next movie!

6. The girl you barely know who comments on every single thing you say, or every picture you post.
"Hey dint you wear this outfit like last friday?" or "Woah your nephew looks just like his dad in this pic!" or "Woah nice pic of you and the girls. That night was so much fun too bad I dint get a picture with you guys!". I just wanted to reply: "No sweetheart we havent met in ages so you probably have no idea what I wore last friday", "Have you ever seen my nephew's dad to see the resemblance???", "Yes, that night was fun. Mostly because you weren't there!!". But no, I just patiently deleted the comments and moved on with life.

7. The girl who posts a picture of herself, dressed only in a bathrobe, sitting provocatively on the edge of a bathtub and makes it visible even to friends of friends.
She gets like 150+ comments in 30 mins. Mission accomplished, congrats. I get queries from a dozen male friends who can see the pic. My friend list count gets reduced by one :)

The list goes on but even recollecting them is making me squeamish. I think one day people in general will get sick of these posts and the people who comment on them will get too lazy. Until then, enjoy your daily dose of narcissists every time you log in!!

When Sundi Met Kirik

Finally. Yes, I finally decided to sit down and write out my love story.

June 5th, 2010. One lazy Saturday afternoon.
There I was sitting in an Italian cafe with my friends when I got an email from a guy. He gave a brief formal introduction and asked me to let him know when it would be a good time to call. I thought well, yet another dude my folks want me to 'get to know'. This would all be forgotten in a few days like the others I thought. I replied, told him to call whenever. Turned off the phone browser and forgot about it. Whatever!

Later that evening.
I got a call from an ISD number. I picked up and it was the same 'Dude from Singapore' who'd emailed earlier. Well I wasn't doing anything more interesting, so I settled down to what I thought will be another talk where I'd secretly cringe at every grammatical mistake the guy would make. Boy was I in for a rude shock.
The guy on the other end was pleasant and easy to talk to. So well, me being the big mouth got reallllly talking in a while. What surprised me was that this guy could talk more than me!! Good start I thought. To make a long story short when I hung up I realized two things. I hadn't laughed so much in a long time. And I FORGOT DINNER!! I NEVER forget dinner!!! Damn you Arun Sundaram.

The next day.
I dint have any expectations from the previous day's conversation. Though it hung around in my head longer than usual. When I went online, he was there. We again got talking and all I can remember of that conversation was that my net kept snapping every 2 mins. Now normally that would cause people on the other end to get frustrated and tell me to take a hike. But, this one called. I mean we both know we we weren't required to talk more than once in say a week and then tell our folks it wasn't working out. That's how arranged marriages work (or rather don't). But when he called and we spoke I felt like I was really connecting to a long lost friend.

Wait a minute. What the hell was I doing? Opening up to a complete stranger? This is usually the place where I sense something like a relationship forming, and freak out and run for the hills. I was definitely not running. Or even walking in the hill direction.

Every other day after that.
I'm on the way to work, we talk. Coffee time in the evening at work, we talk. Later at night, we talk. Our folks had no clue about how much we were bonding, so no pressure. He drew me like a moth to a flame with his charm.

June 15th, late evening.
Chennai, at the home of his folks.
I was nervous as hell. Our folks finally realized we'd been talking and things were so far so good. So they decided to meet up. This was the very 1st time I was meeting a guy's folks (and definitely not before I met the guy!). It was a great evening. Things went really well and everyone ended up loving everyone.
Needless to say me and him realized that night that things had gotten serious. Was I scared or jittery? Surprisingly the answer was no :) I was loving it!

Was this now a relationship? Or was it some situation where I just happen to get along with a 'suitable boy'. It was definitely not option 2. Never once during this whole thing did i take out my imaginary check list of 'The things I'm looking for in the perfect guy'. In fact I threw away the damned list. It was crazy how we had nothing in common, but somehow connected on almost everything.

July 2nd, Friday.
As it so happened he'd just taken a long vacation before we got taking. So he wouldn't be able to take days off anytime soon. We'd been talking for nearly a month and things were in a place where you cant get ahead nor could we just sit around and pretend nothing was happening. So this is what he did. He flew in on a Friday night. Crashed with his friend in Bangalore and we planned to spend the Saturday together before he flew back on Saturday night.

July 3rd, Saturday, early that morning.
His friend's place. I sat with my dad in his friend's living room as we waited for for him to get ready. The friend and his wife were really nice and kept us entertained as I was nervous as hell inside. It was the point of no return. The whole phone thing seemed like a distant dream. I could only hope and pray that the amazing guy I spoke to would be exactly the same as the one who was going to walk out of that room. And then he entered. He looked so bloody handsome. He shook my dad's hand politely and then looked at me. As he shook my hand he said "You're real!". And that was the 1st thing Mr Arun Sundaram ever told me face to face.

As we drove back to my place he was getting along really well with my dad. And strangely that made me very happy. When we got home, my mom had prepared a huge yummy spread for breakfast. He simply loved the food. And I love men who love their food. :)

After breakfast, we got into a cab and we were finally alone. There was absolutely no awkwardness and we got along like a house on fire. We went to the same Italian place for coffee and we got talking.

After a while gave me a broad grin and said. "I'm just totally in love with you so the ball's in your court now". After jumping with joy internally, I thought well seems like its the last time I'll get to act all pricey so I said "Well, we have the whole day so lets not be hasty".

The chemistry was just mind blowing. It was amazing watching him as he spoke passionately about the things he loved doing.It was better than anything I'd imagined it to be. Looking into his eyes I realized, everything I had craved for all my life was right here. Crap, this was IT. This was THE ONE. Yay! :)

I gave him the belated birthday gift that I'd got him, a tie. He seemed to really like it. We then headed off for lunch in a quaint place with tables in a garden. The food was good and it rained a little. Sitting with him under the canopy of a giant umbrella eating lunch was just like magic. We got a lot closer as we headed back home and even took a few goofy pics on the ride back home.

When we got home we both pretty much knew what I was going to say. Still we spent hours talking. Just before sunset I took him to my favorite place in my house. On the terrace, on top of my tank. The view was amazing, the sun setting over a large stretch of the city. It was then he put his arm around me and asked me "Will you marry me?" I said "Yeah ok!". Life had just gotten perfecter than I'd ever dreamed it would. the rest of the day passed in a frenzy of happy parents and uncles and aunts until it was time for him to leave. I went with my dad to the airport to drop him off. It was the hardest goodbye of my life.

July 31st,
Yet another trip to India. This time 3 whole days of pure unadulterated bliss. The moment I'll always treasure was this: The light drizzle, cold winds, me and him sitting on the side of a pool on a bench in a resort. We're having our first serious talk and he reaches in and pulls out the loveliest necklace ever. And again, asked me to be his wife. :)
September 5th,
On stage, before all our family and friends. We exchanged rings, and got officially engaged.

Well, its been the best 3 and a half months of my life so far. I totalllly love being in love. Its going to be happily ever after I hope. So is the girl who used to suffer from severe acute commitment phobia worried? Nope, when you know you've met 'The One' you cant wait for the rest of your life to start!!

The New and Improved List of Work Place Etiquette

Basic courtesy, etiquette, politeness, call it what you may is something we were supposed to be taught when we were little kids. One would think that even if someone dint have a cultured upbringing that person will pick up little hints along the way. Especially, if that person is placed for a prolonged period of time in a cultured environment (for example a multinational corporate). Well think again. Below are some of the widely accepted practices at my work place.

1. If you step on someone's foot. Don’t say sorry. Instead glare at them. It’s their fault their foot was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
2. When you are passing through a heavy door, and you see a person walking in behind you with their hands full, do NOT keep the door open. Instead slam the heavy door in their face.
3. Picture a narrow corridor and three people walking together blocking the way. You are walking behind them and you're in a hurry. Don’t say 'Excuse me'. Instead elbow 2 of the people and squeeze through as they recoil in pain.
4. Elevator etiquette: When you get into a crowded elevator don't stand facing the door like normal people. Instead stand facing everyone and if you are a guy stare inappropriately at the women present.
5. Cubicle etiquette: Now this one's especially handy if your office has crowded cubicles. Lets say you have no useful work to do. Get your phone out, or even better use the office phone, call up some friend/relative/girlfriend/boyfriend and talk as loudly as you can. While you're at it why not talk dirty jokes and highly censored private matter in your native tongue? Now if you assume nobody will understand think again. Although Indian languages are quite different, some are similar enough to be understood by the poor soul in the next cubicle who's trying to get her work done without being nauseated.
6. Queues are for sissies. There's no need to stand in line. Just cut across shoving everyone else and if it’s the lunch queue make sure you spill at least one person's food tray.
7. Do NOT take a shower or brush your teeth when you come to work. It’s a waste of water, soap and time. After all it’s your colleagues who'll suffer so let them!!
8. Finally, eliminate the words 'Sorry', 'Please' and 'Thank you' from your dictionary. Whenever an opportunity presents itself grab what you can like there's no tomorrow.

A letter to 'my people'

Dear peeps,

Friendship day came and went without much fuss. I am a firm believer that our friendship doesn't really need a day when we have to remember each other and cherish our bond. However, this year's been a little different for me and those closely associated with me.

As you are aware the past 2 and half months have been the best times of my life so far. I have been enjoying every minute of these days. In this process of falling in love every day, I realized that I haven't been as connected to my peeps as I used to be. I know it goes without saying that you guys totally understand, but I wanted to let you know how special you are to me.

To my OUB girls,

Love you sistahs more than ever. Thanks for being there through this whole phase, from the very 1st day in Passcucci up until this moment. I do miss the every day gossip calls and I will strive to fill in any gaps.

To my Charlie and the Angels,

You are my family and as so often happens I take family for granted. Love you guys and thanks for being patient with me.

To Smiley,

We've grown up so much this past few days dude :) and this has been a roller coaster time for both of us. Thanks for all the support and the laughs.

To my office parts,

I'm sorry I am on call a lot during coffee/morning make up session/bus. You girls have put up with my everyday whining and bitching up until my life became all happy and now with my non stop love stories. I'll be forever grateful to you girls. *wave dance to make you smile*

And last but not the least

To my fiancée dude,

Thank you for being the best thing that happened to me. I hope the magic multiplies everyday as it has been until now. You'll forever be my soul mate, my confidant and my best friend.

Your Best Friend Forever,

Aphrodite/Natalie/Mantis/EOE/Wifey

PS: Remember, Love cannot be divided, love only multiplies :D

The Answer

Dear Mr Arun,

You asked me the other day, why exactly I said yes when you asked me to marry you. Well as it often happens when my head's overcrowded with a million emotions, I was lost for words. Well I seem to have found them along the way.

I get swept off my feet
every time our eyes meet.
Its the way you look at me
its like you see all that I can be.
You put me in a state of daze
and now I know that
'weak in the knees' is not just a phrase.
It not just that you make me laugh,
its the fact that you can make me smile.
Its the tiny little things you say
that quite simply take my breath away
Its your silly lil goofy smile
that makes my heart skip beats for a while
Its the passion in your voice
that's not giving me another choice,
But to simply let you know my dear
I'm locked in for life, I wanna be your wife.

The Silver Jubilee

Today, two very special people in my life celebrate their 25th year of togetherness. As you may have guessed these two people are my dear parents :)

We belong in an age where couples celebrate anniversaries every month. The first year is usually not just a cause for celebration but also a huge sigh of relief. That's the way we've told ourselves is the perfectly acceptable way to live. Anytime you hear about someone celebrating a 10 or a 25th anniversary you immediately think "Wow they must really be the perfect couple!". Which I can safely say from what I've seen in the last 23 years of my life is a load of bullshit.

What I can derive from the example of my parents is this. There is no such thing as someone who is absolutely perfect for you. Obviously a high level of compatibility must exist, but that's about 40% of a good marriage. My dad and mum for example are probably as similar as chalk and cheese. They are both Gemini, and sometimes I'd feel like I'm dealing with 4 different personalities. But what ever common ground they can find, they cherish. Over the years they've found things that they are both passionate about. So the obvious fact here is that for a relationship to work, the basic necessity is trust, a basic understanding and above all, the desire to want to be together. The other small stuff just falls into place.

I know its very easy for me to just sit here and write this stuff, but I wonder how I'll do at this marriage business one day. I can only hope that I carve out a life half as good as they've made for themselves. I can only pray that my kids turn out to be as good as me and my bro have turned out, and not neglected dope heads or drunks.

I know one thing for sure, if either of my parents ever give me relationship/marriage advice I'll always be all ears!! Here's wishing them happy anniversaries forever!!

Pursuit of Happiness

Well we all know that life often hurls crap at you. Most of the time there's just nothing you can do about it. It can get realllllllllllly frustrating when you are totally powerless to control things that affect you directly and well sadness, anger, hurt, pain all come into picture. Well since there's nothing we can do to stop the man upstairs from playing practical jokes on us.. here's some stuff which I have been implementing to bypass the grief. As I often say "I solemnly refuse to see the cloud between my silver linings". So here are some ways:

1. Nothing like fast music to cheer you up. What I do is I set my ipod to a list of fast dance tracks/happy songs, lock my room door and dance away to glory. Yeah well just make sure the neighbor lady dint choose the exact same time to clean her roof and got to witness it through an open window. (Well I'm just going to consider her share of free entertainment as my good deed for the day).

2. Watch DVDs of the Friends sitcom. These guys never bore me no matter how many times I watch them. I'm soon LOLing and misery is momentarily forgotten!

3. Talking about Friends go get a dose of your real life ones. Dress up (nothing like looking good to feel good) and go out with a bunch of your besties and try not to talk about the grief-causing stuff.

4. Well I picked this one up from Carrie Bradshaw of Sex And The City. When I hit a really low point I buy myself a new sexy pair of shoes (now that you know, you wont ask me why I own so many pairs of shoes). Well I'm not saying everyone will share my shoe fetish but yeah retail therapy helps!

5. Even if you arent a video game junkie, try some 1st person combat/action game with lots of violence and bloodshed. Blowing the heads off my virtual enemies with an AK 47 can really help with the frustration. Just dont blur the line between fantasy and reality!

6. Smile!! Sounds cheesy? Just try it. Faking confidence actually helps you gain some. Once you realize how many people are happy to see you happy, your smile wont be so fake anymore :)

Will keep adding more as I implement them. In the meantime go grab the world by the disco balls!!!!

The Butterfly

Dedicated to all my friends who're on the same boat as mine ;)

It sits so still
and beckons you from afar
Its colors of brilliance
Makes it shine just like a star

It carries your hopes on its wings
So much within your reach it seems
Yet when you reach to touch it
It slips away like a dream

Through the meadow you run
A chase that has no end
Lost and tired you stop
But it calls you once again

Its colors will never fade
and this quest will never end
So stop and let it fly
Give your mind a while to mend

As you walk on away
Theres a flutter, to listen you'll try
There on your shoulder you'll find
Your sparkling butterfly

The Mätämuna

Disclaimer: Again... any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely intentional. This article is being issued in the interest of public safety.


The corporate jungle is truly a treasure trove of various species of wild life. One can come across many interesting and sometimes dangerous species of animals. In my experience of navigating this harsh wilderness i have come across many hazardous creatures of various degrees. By far the most vile creature I have come across would have to be the cyka mätämuna.

The cyka mätämuna, commonly known as the mätämuna is a venomous, two faced creature which is basically a scavenger but can exhibit predatory behavior occasionally. Though this creature is rare chances are that you will find one in every team.

The mätämuna goes about climbing the corporate ladder in a strange way. Though it will seem to be capable of climbing straight, it chooses to destroy other creatures and step on their heads to reach the next rung in the ladder. The mätämuna chooses its prey very carefully. It lures the prey with sweet talk, flattery and feigned friendship until the unsuspecting prey is within striking distance. The mätämuna is also known for poisoning other creatures not directly in its way as a precautionary measure.

A mätämuna is quite hard to identify because it blends almost chameleon like with its surroundings. However there are some unique traits which can be useful to distinguish this creature. Almost always, a mätämuna has a complete disregard for the feelings of the surrounding creatures. Its call is more often than not a bark. A very rude bark. But it changes its call to resemble that of a human baby when it's either in a defensive position or when its about to strike its prey. The mätämuna is also known to openly flaunt its mate in very inappropriate manners. A very striking trait of the mätämuna would be its lack of friends. The mätämuna does have a way with fellow creatures and may seem friendly. But since the other creatures discover the mätämuna's true nature sooner or later, long lasting friends would be nearly absent from its life.

Extreme caution has to be exercised in the presence of this creature. Victims have been known to have their spirits broken and more often that not forced to move a step down on the corporate ladder.

The corporate jungle can seem like an exciting place to go on a safari. But remember information is your only defence. Beware of creatures like the cyka mätämuna, and take all the precautions or you WILL be its next victim.

Keeping the Faith

Heard a lady say this on TV today "If we all got what we wished for, God's gonna be out of a job". I thought to myself thats not true!! Im thankful everyday. But after the hypocrite in me faded I realized its true. Every small problem in life is a test of faith. We don't really look to the Universe or God unless we're in relatively deep shit.

Ok so lets say I'm a deeply spiritual person and I sometimes have to believe that a higher power will look out for me and help me with situations totally out of my control. And lets say I've gotten my way most of the time so yes it hasn't been very hard to keep the faith. What happens when things don't really go my way, or I'm watching a situation unfold over which I have absolutely no control over but one that's definitely going to turn my world around (or upside down). How long will I keep the faith?

Will the same power which I just thanked for sending me moments in my life that literally took my breath away, listen when I ask to be rescued? Will there be a light at the end of the tunnel? And if there's a light will it just be a train that's gonna run me over? :D

All I can really do is wait out the storm, and hope that my faith was strong enough to keep my ship afloat. It is hard, but for now I'm keeping the faith.

The Swan Song

Sometimes I find creativity an excellent outlet for heartache. The outcome doesn't make sense though :)



Your boat has arrived
And you'll leave with a smile
Don't turn around or you'll see me cry
If this world were flat,
I'd walk over the end..
If thats what it took for your heart to mend
My only wish is to see you smile
If that smile were to turn around
My only fear my dear
Is that I cant be around to catch those tears
This pain I'm afraid will take me away
Into the silence which I crave
Don't search for me now
We have to be brave.
In your dreams I'll still be there
And another sweet memory we'll share.
For there are some bonds
That cannot be broken,
But also some words you'll find
That cannot be spoken.

Apocalypse

Wiki describes Apocalypse as "lifting of the veil" or "revelation". I think I might have had a mild version of it.

Its stupid to think that you would go to sleep one night felling one way, thinking one way, and wake up a completely different person! But that's exactly what happened on the night of 31st Dec 2009.

When I woke up on New Year's day 2010 I felt lot different upstairs. I no longer felt certain feelings towards certain individuals which just the previous day was hanging around in the recesses of my mind. Apart from that, my whole list of priorities were all shuffled up. I felt very unattached to things that bothered me till the moment I fell asleep the previous day. I felt free.

Maybe this was no miracle. Maybe 2010 triggered off this big fat alarm clock which I'd probably subconsciously set for myself. For what you ask? For cutting the CRAP out of my life. Some where along the line I'd set my self a deadline to get rid of the baggage.

To give up the comfort of my old ways isn't easy. But this false security was getting me nowhere in life. I don't even know if this new attitude is the right way to go about life but I guess I'll live with the consequences. So cut chop snap it is. Out with the fake friends, out with the people or situations that make me feel unworthy.

So if you really are not as happy as you ought to be, its time to put your foot down and tell the non-sense givers to take a hike. Forget about the consequences and do it for the sake of your inner peace. Look at where you stand right now in the big picture you had dreamt for yourself and ask yourself this: Is this how you thought things would be in 2010?

As Christopher Columbus puts it "You can never cross the ocean unless you loose sight of the shore"